waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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