dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
