It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
