Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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