things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
