Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
