All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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