I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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