i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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