I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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