There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
