my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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