i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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