I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
