using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
