she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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