i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
