Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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