You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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