god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
