i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I want a musical about memes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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