been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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