I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
