Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
