If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he just fucked me for my cheese..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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