Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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