Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
