just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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