He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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