I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Found the puke drawer
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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