Kiss
Puke
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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