We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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