dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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