"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just cropdusted the office
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize