I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Mom said you looked used
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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