dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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