I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
