wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
