Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
