Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
