If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
