Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
