Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
