So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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