She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
