You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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