Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
