I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
