There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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