You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she peed on how many people?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
