You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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