Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
