My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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