Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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