Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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