I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
