I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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