you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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