We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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