I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
