Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
