My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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