worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
