we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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