just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
