I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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