Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
