I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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