just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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