I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
