hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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