when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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