so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
