I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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