I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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