I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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