Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
