Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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